When you venture into starting your business, creating that podcast or blog, or decide to write that book like I have, people usually do one or two things, show you love or try to talk you out of it.
It’s funny how we (creatives) allow timid mindsets to deter us. When someone is a friend, they’re placed in a safe category in our hearts so our guards are never up. When a friend says something even if it’s negative, you always translate it as, ‘they just care’. However, when a friend doesn’t believe in you, you’re negatively affected by it though subconsciously. You start doubting your vision/idea. You can’t see that this friend is projecting his/her fears unto you. Look, I see it this way, if this particular friend wants to work a regular 9-5 and have their life dictated by someone else, then rock out!
It’s hard enough when you’re looking at your current circumstances and you’re challenged to find a way out. What’s harder is when you assume that the people that you’re always there for, cannot or won’t support you.
I assume everyone somewhat knows my story but I’ll quickly recap. I was going through an ugly divorce the past few years, I was depressed and God told me, it was time for change. To get to the mindset where you throw caution to the wind and do something as life changing as not just move to another state but to relocate across the country; it was a big fkn deal!
Well, I shared my thoughts with my best friend and he said, what’s your plan and from the moment that idea was incepted, has been my rock ever since. Once I finally made up my mind, I shared with others and most were very supportive of my decision but I had some friends that tried to talk me out of it and reminded me of everything that could possibly go wrong.
Now that I’m here my main focus is my children and my business. I can’t chit chat, cut up and chill like I was used to when I had a 9 to 5. My grind is completely different now because I’m starting over and building something out of nothing.
For a while, I heavily used Facebook to promote my brand but after I moved, something changed. My numbers heavily decreased. I am that friend that is there—always! I show love how I can—if that means purchasing a book, sharing a broadcast, retweeting something you shared; I’ll do it! However, since I moved, I started noticing 200-300 plus views on videos but only 21 likes.
Yea…that’s what I thought too.
I thought maybe it was a fluke until I noticed it being more prevalent so I made the decision to market my business on a platform that was more beneficial. What’s funny is that Facebook is where most if not all of my friends follow me, whereas Instagram and Twitter are mostly accumulated with followers that are strangers.
Hitting the like button or share button doesn’t take anything from you. Why as people of color we can’t support one another?
Everyone wants to cheer on a winner. Don’t support me AFTER the come up because trust me it’s going happen; it’s just a matter of time. I need you when I’m drowning. Stretch your hand out and even if you can’t/refuse to or don’t want to pull me up completely then pull me up long enough for me to catch my breath.
Some friends and I use that term loosely, want discounted prices and the hook up. How the fk can I give you a hook up when I’m a single mother trying to find my way. How do you want a free copy of my book but refuse to share or post on it on your social media platforms?
I’ve had friends that asked, who did your website, it’s dope and I responded, me. The very next question was, can you do mine…girl you know I’m broke. When I refused, paid someone else to create it who charged to design as well as train them–double what I would’ve charged.
Everyone has their hand out looking for some hookup when you’re trying to make ends meet so that you can take care of your responsibilities.
Girl look, stop trying to help everyone. I’m not saying to be selfish but you cannot stretch yourself so thin that you’re unable to do for yourself. Help those that are helping you, support them and boost their confidence—even if you are in a financial bind and you cannot purchase a product then share or like—it takes a few seconds.
Am I alone? What do you do when you realize that a foe was cloaked as a friend? Do you sever the relationship or love him/her from a distance? Curious.