I’m a single-mom. I am not a dad!

I’m a single-mom.

I am not a dad!

The thought of saying thank you when someone says, Happy Father’s day is absurd. Granted we cannot control what others say to us because for years people have been saying, “Happy Father’s day, girl!” Take a look at that for another second; that is an oxymoron.

I am a single-mom and cannot celebrate a day dedicated for fathers.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, being a single mom isn’t something I signed up for. I don’t think any one of us was like, yay, I want to do it on my own. It’s not easy raising children alone when both parents are well and able to do so but choose not to. I don’t take pride in being a single-mother but I take pride in being a mother! There’s a difference. As a single-mom, I know what my circumstances are and I step up to the plate and do as I must. What do I know about raising a boy? What do I know about the changes a boy’s body goes through?  What do I know about a father’s love towards a little girl? I know a lot about that void but also know the void of growing up without my mother as well as I grew up without both. I can’t fill the void of a father’s love.

As a single mom, I cannot fill the void of a father’s love. #FathersDay #ImpulsiveExpressions #SingleMoms Click To Tweet

I do the best I can to be the best I can but it will never take the place of a father’s love. Ladies, let me share a harsh reality: no matter how much you love and care for them; it doesn’t replace him i.e. their dad. By saying this I’m not attempting to make you feel even worse for being in the predicament that you are in. All we can do is our best and hope things turn for the best; there’s no guide to this parenting business.

Things have changed drastically compared to when we were younger. I have female friends/sisters that are willingly choosing single-mom hood—financially they feel as if they are competent enough and “don’t need a man” so they’re reaching out to fertility clinics and being impregnated and/or having some verbal understanding with the other parent to be impregnated because their biological clock is ticking and believe it’s time. Hey, to each his/her own. This post isn’t to discuss that but to address the fact that women want to be celebrated on a day designated for fathers. Sis, I love you and say this with respect but…

Real talk, have several seats!

You are not a father! Where’s Maury when you need him! LOL. Yes,  we have to play dual roles and we do the best we can but we are not fathers—just bomb ass moms! We have our day—all 364 days. LOL. Our kids celebrate us each day. Truth of the matter is some of you ladies, are so bitter but you’re carrying this façade as if your child’s father’s absence doesn’t bother you. Disclaimer: I hate the term baby-daddy and baby-momma, ugh! You’ll never hear me use or reference either.

Yes, as a single-mom we have to play dual roles and we’re doing the best we can but we are not fathers—just bomb ass moms! #ImpulsiveExpressions #FathersDay #SingleMoms Click To Tweet

Some of you are so upset that the guy isn’t with you or isn’t helping to raise your kids; you want to indirectly lash out without appearing bitter. Girl, you’re looking hell-a bitter! You’re doing it all: every practice, recital, parent-teacher’s conference, doctor’s appointment; you’re up doing homework, fixing dinner, coaching your son on s*it you had to verify with one of your close male friends because the anatomy of the male body isn’t your strong point. LOOK, I get it. We are kick ass moms!!!! Any single-mother that’s out here killing; I respect you and give you so much props because it isn’t easy.

I am not trying to take away anything from what you’re doing but you’re still not a dad! Because your kids’ dad isn’t there; you’re going to take away Father’s Day from all the other men who are there actively playing a role in their children’s lives? You’re being unreasonable, sis. I laugh when people try to celebrate me on this day. When it comes to this mom-ish, I got it on lock but I’m not a dad and I don’t need to be celebrated for playing dual roles in my children’s lives.

Some word of advice, for those ladies that might unfollow my blog now that I’ve called you out, sorry, not sorry. Sometimes things need to be said and it’s called tough love. If you are going to advise your child not to call their father because, “he ain’t being a good dad right now”, or “daddy don’t deserve your love”, or “daddy needs to step up and until he does we’re not calling him for Father’s Day…” You’re wrong af! Let kids be kids. Your beef/issues with their dad are adult issues. You should never put your kids in a situation where they are forced not to feel for their parent. No matter what dude is or isn’t doing in their lives, he’s their father. Your kids are going to see the reality of the situation for themselves. It’s hard biting that bullet sometimes. Often, I am the mean parent, because I enforce rules and boundaries, dad is the fun one; I make them read, limit TV time, do homework and make sure they’re eating right—Ugh, I’m such a bad mom.

 

I am in no way diminishing your value and your sacrifice. The parent the child lives with is often the one that isn’t immediately appreciated and that’s a reality we have to accept.

Maybe their dad is a once every 6-months type of dad. He doesn’t call everyday but that one time in 6 months when he takes them out, they’re going to Disney land and having a blast and he’s the best dad ever! Then they come home and you’re the rule maker and nothing you do appears to be good enough. Look, kids aren’t stupid. They know who’s there and who will continue to be there. There are times when you want to stop biting your tongue but they will see for themselves! It’s sort of letting them experience their own pain to see the reality of the situation. Don’t try to take away from their dad. Teach your kids to love and respect him, regardless. In time they will figure out their own relationship with him but it shouldn’t be one of disrespect. A 4-year-old doesn’t get why he can’t call his dad for Father’s Day when his entire class made cards in school to give to their dad. That’s too much to put on a child, sis.

Anyway, I’m done preaching. Thought I’d shed light on this since it’s one that’s a common theme that shows up year after year. To the dads that are out here killing; being active, fighting for your kids, spending time with them—I know it’s not easy! Some females want a check in order for you to be involved, some want you, even though your past has proved that you aren’t meant to be. Some make it so impossible to be in your children’s lives but you do all you can to love your child/children in the process. I commend you! Wishing all you dads an amazing Father’s Day! I’m putting some chicken on the grill in celebration of y’all! LOL! Enjoy, dads!

Ladies, let’s wish the awesome men in our lives (that are dads) a Happy Father’s Day!

3 Comments

  1. Great post! It’s amazing how much of what you’ve written is relevant to single dads, just from a slightly different perspective. Please keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more of your thoughts and ideas.

    1. Kerron, hi there and thank you so much for saying that! I truly appreciate it. Tipping my hat to all dads and single dads!!

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