My journey was blocked with so much debris; I found myself frustrated because it not only slowed down my movement but at times stopped me dead in my tracks! From childhood to now, my life has been one obstacle after the next, I remember asking, “God, Why me?”
I wish I could’ve changed things, picked different family members, different struggles—rich people worries like where should I invest this money, instead of poor people’s ones like how can I buy more time to avoid this eviction? Then just as things seem to settle after the chaos has spun you out of control, s*it hits the fan and the cycle continues. People talk about happiness and success and though it’s subjective for each, I failed at both and was miserable.
I was angry all of the time and found myself always fixing something and was angry for always having to fix something. Get it? Did you see that? I didn’t. I was so bitter that I couldn’t see that the debris life left on my path were vital lessons preparing me for the next phase so I remained stagnant until I stopped avoiding my debris and started fixing my s*it!I remained stagnant until I stopped avoiding my debris and started fixing my s*it! #impulsiveExpressions #blogger #amwriting Click To Tweet
In dealing with pain comes power, in dealing with hurt comes understanding, in facing our toughest realities comes strength. Many circumvent the obvious and put the debris aside still leaving them BROKEN.In dealing with pain comes power, in dealing with hurt comes understanding, in facing our toughest realities comes strength. #amwriting #author #impulsiveExpressions Click To Tweet
I was broken for so long—reflected on an absentee mother, a father that didn’t want me, trying to find him in every guy I dealt with and even when God sent me a few great men; I was so fk*d up that I couldn’t receive any of them and found solace in the dysfunctional one. I was drawn to my partner’s emptiness; I thought that somehow two broken souls could build something amazing. I looked to him to complete and repair me when that was clearly my role and no one else’s.
It’s sad when we are broken or in the process of mending, we think we don’t deserve anything good. We find ourselves looking for something bad because why would God give us something good when we…aren’t whole.
For years, I found myself running from my past, avoiding it as if it would go up in smoke, disappear and change my present. Every poor decision I’ve made—didn’t teach me anything—until I was ready to acknowledge and accept that, hey, this is stupid; stop repeating it.
The hardest lesson for me to accept was that I was unhappy with who I was and this wasn’t associated with the things I had or lacked. After I stopped complaining, I started appreciating everything no matter how small because I soon understood that God would take away the things you were ungrateful for. I fixed the things I didn’t like and set goals to fix what couldn’t have been altered overnight.
I overlooked my health, my children’s health; I found myself complaining about my 9-to-5 when that job provided me with the resources to assure stability for my children. It’s funny how we don’t see our blessings when times are tough because one thing I never had to worry about was, “how am I going to feed the kids eat tonight?” when so many are hungry. So, what did life do? Continue to feed me with obstacles after obstacles and eventually I started seeing the obstacles as opportunities and began learning and growing from them.
I used to think that happiness was a result of money or things but as I’m slowly approaching that 40-year marker, I am understanding that happiness begins and ends with me—no man can make me happy. If I am poor and unhappy, after I’ve accumulated those worldly possessions, I’d still feel the same way! We see it all the time with some celebrities—we think, why are they overdosing on drugs when life has blessed them with opportunities many dream of having.
Remember this, there is someone that will welcome the things you’re complaining about. My mortgage is too high meanwhile someone is striving to own their first home and would willingly pay what you’re paying.Remember this, there is someone that will welcome the things you’re complaining about. #changeYourMindset #Perspective Click To Tweet
Has my financial situation change in the last year? Nope. Being a newly single mom, ugly divorce things are actually harder! I can complain but who will that help? I’ve changed my perspective and wake up smiling and thanking God for opening my eyes and my children’s. My kids are always up under me and I never get a break—SMH—I found myself “complaining” about never having a moment to myself when they are my anchors! I think about where I’d be if I didn’t have my kids and I’m saddened because I acquire the strength because I know they’re always looking.
No matter how difficult it gets, I trust that there is some great reward and I am learning to enjoy the bumps and bruises on the ride because thus far, life has built a strong woman! Live. Travel. Laugh. Read books that strengthen your spirit. Surround yourself with people that encourage you to be better. We only have one life and I’m living mine to the fullest!
Don’t be afraid to face your truths; it won’t be easy but in seeking it you will find true serenity.
Image courtesy of Regularmarx Photography.