Breakups are hard and depending on the individual you’re dealing with, it can be very ugly. I’m going to address this topic from the perspective of dealing with a mature individual as well as one that’s immature.
Sometimes in relationships the hardest thing to do is to accept the reality of where you both are. Life happens and you both may have grown apart and find that either on different pages or worse, not working towards the same goals. In some instances, we find ourselves holding on for fear of letting go. Every relationship has ups and downs; you’re not always going to love your partner, let alone like him/her. LOL
Regardless of the tenure, things change—for instance, lack of intimacy. Fellas, there’s more to intimacy than sex—intimacy is holding hands and hugs. It’s greeting your partner with a kiss when you see him/her, watching TV together while her feet are on your legs—intimacy is more than foreplay and intercourse but that’s another blog.
We also have to be cognizant of the factors outside of your relationship that can possibly play a part—being a mom/dad, your partner’s job, your partner’s aspirations; these are conversations that must continue to happen to sustain a healthy relationship. If you’re with your partner out of convenience: it’s easier to stay as opposed to being alone then this blog is way over your head. The reason I came to that conclusion is that in your heart you know that it’s over but you’ve allowed yourself to settle for the mediocrities and inadequacies as opposed to expecting more from your other half. If that’s where you choose to be, to each his own.
For those aspiring for healthy and meaningful relationships, the most focal factors are:
- Communication and
- Understanding your partner’s love language
If after making necessary steps to repair the broken and nothing is working; the hardest thing to accept is that you two don’t belong together. Hard pill to swallow. I get it—when you really love someone; you want to work it out! When you’ve built with someone, you want it to work.
If you or your partner has pulled the plug but you’re struggling with moving forward, here are
7 Tips that may help:
- Accept that it’s over. Sometimes we’re looking for closure, did you cheat? Who is she? Why are you friends always taking priority over me? Why do you keep letting your kid’s mom get in the middle of us? Look, sometimes we want these questions answered and we have to accept that we may not have that resolution!
- Understand the role your ex played on your life. Everyone comes in your life for a reason and a season; he/she served his/her purpose and God removed that person once that purpose was served. My question now is, what did your ex teach you? If you cannot answer this, it is possible that you will end up with a partner of similar qualities to teach the lesson you didn’t take heed to.
- Forgive your ex and yourself. No one is perfect. There’s always something you could’ve done differently. What are those things? Assess the situation, take heed to your short comings.
- Don’t be resentful. Sometimes we’re so bitter and broken; you put your ex through college, you were the breadwinner, you sacrificed a lot for your ex and now you have nothing to show for it. Reflect on step 2–what has this situation taught you?
- Trust that God has something better for you. If this is fairly new, I know this seems impossible. Trust me when I say this isn’t a setback; it’s a set up. What’s yours is yours and no one can take that.
- Every intimate connection took time to establish a bond so allot time to feel the emptiness of not having that partner. You cannot rush this process so don’t rush into another relationship to avoid the pain because the pain will occur; it will just be delayed pain. Be patient and allow yourself time to heal.
- Give yourself space and time because steps 1-6 won’t happen overnight.
Depending on the nature of the breakup, the duration of the relationship and so many other factors, one thing to understand is you’ll be mad/hurt for a while. You may want to run your over with your car, slash tires, bake cookies with poison in it but your ex isn’t worth it, girl. Prison life ain’t the business and there aren’t good natural hair products in jail so let your ex live.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch; I’m merely injecting some humor—something else you’ll need in order to deal with this breakup. Laugh out loud with your girls, get out the house and continue living your best life.
Let me know if these tips help or feel free to share some suggestions that helped you with a bad breakup. Good luck, girl! You’ve got this.