Nothing pisses off a GOOD parent and yes, I had to specify because some of y’all are just reckless. Shame on those mothers and/or fathers that has everyone raising their children. If your kid is with their grandparents or your auntie’s house more than they’re with you, that is a problem. Our kids need us—there’s a connection that only parents can fill. I implore you, don’t create a void in your children’s lives, please. It’s one that takes years to either “get over” or “deal with”. After years of therapy; trust me when I say, I know!
Anyway, enough of my PSA.
As I was saying, nothing pisses off a good parent like someone else who doesn’t have to deal with the reality of parenthood on a fulltime basis, or worse yet, when the advice comes from someone that doesn’t have kids.
When I hear someone say something like, “your kids need to…?” Okay, first off, fk you! and secondly, “get out of my face!”When I hear someone say something like, “your kids need to…?” Okay, first off, fk you! and secondly, “get out of my face!” #parenting #iRaiseMyKids #parenthandbook #impulsiveexpressions Click To Tweet
If my daughter wanted to poor koolaid on the couch, it’s her home and she can do it! (Okay—hella defensive; I would choke her if she did that but YOU (Madame outsider) will not tell my child what she shouldn’t do…that’s my job!)
People are so quick to tell you how your kids should be. It’s unfair to compare one child to another, because all are different. If my daughter wants to take all her toys out of her bedroom and create a fort in the living room while I’m entertaining a guest. You as an outsider in my home may think, Nai’lah lets her kids do what they want. The way I see it; she’s leaving me alone. Small victories that you won’t understand if you’re not a fulltime parent.
It’s not even that we’re sensitive. It’s just frustrating trying to figure it out then to have someone that sees a snapshot of our lives; attempt to assess (or worse) fix our problems for us.
If it takes a village to raise a child then, where’s that village when they’re coughing up a lung all night and won’t go to sleep? Where’s the village when you have to do homework, fix dinner; all while tending to a baby that has a fever and no matter what you do—is screaming but can’t tell you what he wants? Where’s the village when you’ve got your day all planned out and you have to drop what you’re doing because your kid fractured their arm during recess?
Where’s this fkn village when I want to sleep in my bed but I’ve got a 5-year-old as long as an 8-year-old that snuck in my bed while I was up working on this blog. Where’s the village when they’re up at 6:00AM on a Saturday breathing down your face with their bubbly personality like, good morning, mommy; how are you?!
Uh, I’d be better if you slept until noon but hey good morning.
If you haven’t fought tooth and nail to claim your bed space then shut up. If you haven’t forgotten what a hot meal tastes like, then shut up. If at some point you’ve never waken up to this…
then don’t talk to me about parenting.
My tolerance level for people who think I’m seeking some validation from them is slim.
This is the face I make when people tell me how to raise my kids.
Do I seek other parents for advice? Yes. Do I receive unsolicited advice from other parents? Yes. However, I have seen their parenting style so I value their thoughts. I’ve seen their children and based off this insight; a segue can easily happen to providing or receiving parenting insight which never comes off as judgement.
There’s no handbook to parenting and there’s no mom or dad that’s never asked, am I doing this right? I ask myself at least once a week. Your aim should be to be a great parent by allowing them to grow, become independent, and great individuals contributing to society in a positive way.
With that said, if you are a part-time parent (casually stepping in or only showing up to buy the biggest present for birthdays and Christmases) then please do yourself a favor and miss me with the criticism. Trust me when I say, I’ve seen it done the wrong way and I pride myself off of being an awesome mom.
I may not be able to give 100% everyday; I have days where my best is 70%, then days when my best is 50%. Ladies, it’s okay. As long as you know that you are doing your best; that’s all that matters.I may not be able to give 100% everyday; I have days where my best is 70%, then days when my best is 50%. Ladies, it’s okay. As long as you know that you are doing your best; that’s all that matters. #parenting #momblogger… Click To Tweet
Stop worrying about not living up to your momma or your daddy’s expectation. Our parents aren’t perfect and I’ve heard so many stories to draw the following conclusion. Sometimes our parents feel so guilty when they look at us knowing that they fell short. However, instead of admitting to their inadequacies, they project and criticize.
“Why does your daughter’s hair look so nappy?”
“She doesn’t know how to read yet?”
“Why isn’t she doing [insert skillset]?”
I know I might be hitting some triggers for you all but I’m here to say sometimes you have to tune out your parents too. Just as we have family members you try to stay away from because they’re always negative; the same goes for parents. Some of us had bad examples while others had great ones. The key to parenting is to not always be defensive. It’s good to listen to an objective party and sift through to see if there’s substance or noise.The key to parenting is to not always be defensive. #parenting101 #parenting #momblogger #moms #parentHandbook #impulsiveexpressions Click To Tweet
Either way, I commend you for being there for your kids and loving them as you toil to figure it out. As a newly divorced single-mom, I get frustrated at times. Most often, I feel like I’m walking in the dark so I’ll pose this question to you, what’s a tell sign that gives you assurance that you’re doing the right thing?