Dating a mompreneur

Ladies, hey! I’ve been a mompreneur for six years. It still blows my mind that I’ve doing it this long. While the business part is one aspect, I wanted to touch on balance.

If you’re a go getter like me, you probably have a 9 to 5, you’re a stay at home mom, or best case scenario is that you’ve made that leap and you’re running your business fulltime. If you are the latter, then CONGRATS!

Unlike some bloggers, I am the same person online and offline. I am not a workaholic, but will do what I need to do to comfortably provide for my children.

With that being said, people (especially men) have admired my ‘hustle’. A young man said to me, I wish my wife had a mentality similar to yours; she’s really complacent because she knows that I’ll make sure things are taken care of.

I’m a newly single mom that’s super terrified of dating. Like, cold sweats and bubble guts terrified.

I’m a newly single mom that’s super terrified of dating. Like, cold sweats and bubble guts… Click To Tweet

Dating in your twenties is completely different to dating with children in your thirties. Believe it or not, I am very standoffish with the opposite sex. I hate when guys are too pressed and try too hard, but I hate when they don’t try enough. I don’t anticipate the initial conversations about, ‘So, what are you looking for? What are your hobbies? Divorced, separated, or were you just a cheating ass piece of shit that’s never settled in your past relationships?’ See, I told y’all I was awkward when it came to dating. I’m too blunt because I don’t have time for the games. No, I’m not one of those women that are counting down the biological clock but I’m not trying to be single forever.

Anyway, as I’ve unsuccessfully tried my hand at this thing, I’ve noticed that perception is easy to receive but reality is another thing. Men think that it’s cool to date a single mom or single mom that’s an entrepreneur until that newness wears off and sh*t gets real!

Men think that it’s cool to date a mom until that newness wears off and sh*t gets real!”… Click To Tweet

As a single mom that’s an entrepreneur, we’re mom, social worker, chef, doctor, teacher and juggler of money because I think that’s the toughest thing to do as a single mom—trying to make that dollar stretch. If you’re fortunate to have a great relationship with the kids’ dad, then things are a bit easier but it’s still a struggle making sure you both are on the same page and demonstrating healthy relationship habits for the sake of your children. But, if dad isn’t around; you’re deemed the bad guy and nothing you ever do is right. Yet you smile through the unappreciated disregards your children subconsciously dish out because they simply don’t understand.

But, if dad isn’t around; you’re deemed the bad guy and nothing you ever do is right.… Click To Tweet

Let’s throw your 9 to 5 in there as you struggle with your questioned self-worth, re-identifying yourself as a woman, and if you’re smart, seeking professional help to heal from the past failed relationship. I haven’t mentioned your desire to open this business and work for yourself, yet.

Am I in no way painting a picture that single motherhood sucks—but it’s a journey that you have to take in pieces. If you try to figure it all out too quickly, it will seriously drain you.

Keeping all of this in mind, when we have free time, the last thing we want to do is be around people we don’t know. Our idea of TURN UP is working on that book idea we had in our thoughts all week, drafting that business plan, or drinking a glass of wine listening to nothing but the sound of the emptiness within your walls because if you have kids like mine, they talk all 86, 400 seconds throughout the day and you look forward to peace and quiet.

 

”Our Click To Tweet look forward to peace and quiet. #DatingAsingleMom #amwriting” username=”nailahcarter”]

You want to monopolize that time and do it all. If it were possible of course, it would be super cool to write six chapters, spend a day doing nothing, hang out with the girls and maybe try that whole date night thing then you realize the kids are only gone for the weekend and it’s only 2 days. LOL.

What you really need to do is, catch up on laundry, thoroughly clean because little hands aren’t moving shit after you’ve just put it away, work on your business goals, follow up with clients, oh and sleep. UGH! Sorry but not sorry. This is the reality of a single mom and for the man that’s dating a single mompreneur, time is something she lacks.

If I were to create a dating profile, I would definitely have to post a disclaimer under my photo, “single mompreneur looking for a bearded guy (y’all know I got a fetish. Don’t judge.) minimal baggage (because we all come with our own) but zero tolerance for bulls*it!” Is that too much? Yea, I probably won’t get any hits with that. LOL. In real life, I officially have the GTFOH (get the fk outa here) look stamped on my face so guys are scared to even approach. I should come with a warning label. I care but I don’t. It’s so fkn time consuming then men want to know where could they possibly fit with all of your mayhem—the hell if I know!  Men respect your grind until they have to be involved with you. I may sleep 3-5 hours a day (because I’m grinding away at my business ventures nonstop) and this is the single me. Having a partner will cause me to have to tap into my “work” hours because there’s only so much time.  While we all need TLC um, yea…I’m lost.

My therapist said, it will happen when you’re ready to make it a priority and I guess it isn’t a priority right now. My question to the seasoned single moms/mompreneurs is, how did you know it was time? How do you do it? Are you still single? What advice would you give me and other ladies like me that are just starting this journey?

My fk it attitude will have me single way into my fifties and I refuse to be the old cat lady in the corner house. I seriously need a dating coach! Hmmm maybe that’s an action item.

Anyway, please share things you’ve learned. Your girl seriously needs help.

2 Comments

  1. While I am not a mom, as a divorcée I can totally relate to what you are saying. Going from wife to casual dater has been a challenge for me as well as managing my time for personal passions. The dating scene is just tough in your 30’s especially if you are not about the bullshit.

    While I have been encouraged to hop online, I still have dreams of authenticity meeting and connecting with someone in real life.

    When you figure this thing out, write a book! There are millions of us in the same situation all across the globe. What makes it worse is men move on with no issues or hesitation…

    1. Sister, thank you so much for commenting and being so transparent. The dating scene in your 30’s is definitely a struggle. SO many guys even in their 40’s are so immature and it’s like geez how old are we?! I haven’t tried the online dating but I agree with you in enjoying the authenticity of face to face conversations. You can bs online but I need to see you in person so that I can really read you!

      Thanks for the idea on the book. That might be something valuable there. Again, thanks for reading.

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